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wuddup willyum
I know the meaning of that now. 

You know what my biggest fear is? Dying without ever knowing what it is like to have someone in your life that can reciprocate some sort of admiration, passion, and love. 

My future doesn't look very bright.


Current Mood: crushed crushed

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Why am I so frickin dramatic?
I read my entries and I'm like,
"damn, someone really needs to just relax."

On my mind, however:

If as an eighteen year old adult with so called 'beliefs and morals', you cheat on your girlfriend with a fifteen year old slut, you're scum.  Like straight up, you're scum.  And if said person feels the need to accuse his now EX girlfriend of giving in to peer pressure or temptation, you have no place.  Said douche is not a hero, nor is he reasonable.  Especially not if the innocent ex girlfriend is amongst those who truly care about her self being and only indulging herself in order to put aside the pain said asshole has put upon her. 

on another note...

y'know, I really wish I knew how to read people.  Have you ever thought how awesome it would be to be able to read minds?  Awh, life would be so easy.  But while none of us can read minds, few can actually read people.  I wish I was amongst the few that have this acute sense of others.  I think my inability to understand people and their intentions is what causes the most of my problems, in particular, my lack of confidence.  Because I'm so unsure of what others are thinking, I'm tentative to do anything that may blatantly show disapproval and disinterest.  People, put down your guards. You'll find that letting others in may be more satisfying that you may have initially thought.  Though, I must practice what I preach, afterall.

while we're at it...

I really hope I have the chops to make it through the next two years.  I crave this, I yearn for this, I would do anything for this.  In a sense I've already given up a lot for this.  I know it's an uphill path, but I'm completely prepared to take on the scrapes, bruises, and scratches if it means following my heart, pursuing my passion, and attaining my dreams.  I have potential.  I will not go down without a struggle.  If there's one thing I have always been sure of, it's what I enjoy most in life, performance.  Like I've said, not until my legs collapse under me and my vocal cords rupture.

and to finish it...

I'm really gonna try to remain optimistic about the whole 'single' thing.  Shit, It's only been three weeks and with eighteen units on my platter, I can't have time to worry about shallow matters such as my relationship status.  Shit, we all know that being the false hoped romeo that I am, I'm always gonna be looking, but for now we're just going to pretend like it doesn't run my life right now.  Just pretend..... yep. :D
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Why don't people like me?
Why am I so easy to drop?
Why can't I get my chance?
Why don't people care?

To be in love?
The would be a change and an adventure I am so ready to be in.
Yeah, Im young and have so long to find someone to be with the rest of my life,
But is it a crime to want to have a relationship when I'm young?

Regardless of my desires,
I'm learning that  f a t e has her own plan for me
and it involves a lot of rejection.

I've always said said that I;m so insecure...
But now you've got me thinking that I'm too arrogant.

What could I have done?
I'm doing all that I know how to do.
If being nice and genuine is a turn off...
I don't know what I''m supposed to do.

Why am I so disposable?
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I'm realizing that you don't see what you are missing out on and it's refreshing to know that I really didn't do anything wrong.  I'm so getting over you and it feels so liberating.

I only fear that a new obsessions is my cure for a bruised heart.  But I'm falling into it as plush for my landing.  Hopefully this cotton will hold.

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Apparently i have brought you up.  That's how long it's been.  Wow.... I really need to learn the concept of moving on.

You are so pathetic.
God, he's so perfect for you.
He brings nothing to the relationship,
He has nothing going for him,
He is such a sad pathetic puppy,
But apparently that's okay with you.
You are meant for each other!

For someone so smart, you'de think you'de see past the shady demeanor and maybe recognize the sacrifices some of us are taking for you.

Hey, good luck.

God, I changed my name for you.
I've really thrown myself down with the dogs.

You're not hiding me?
Don't fuck with me.

Gee, I sure would hate to see your little secret leak out......

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